Sunday, 29 March 2015

The Doomsday Book

The Angles and the Saxons cursed,
expletives by the score.
When Ethelfrith declined a war,
Foeman Fraser said, We're doomed!

Oh God! The Danes, thought Ethelred
as ships drew near the shore.
As many spears as oars, before
Spearman Fraser sighed, We're doomed!

The Viking hordes took Lindisfarne
apart in search of gold,
while Athelstan in hiding told
cloistered Fraser, Scribe, 'We're doomed!'

The Normans landed in such haste
that one remembered year,
when Haradwine was shocked to hear
Fletcher Fraser cry, He's doomed!

When Rob de Brus said, Up yours, Ed!
it made Ed's stomach churn,
and later on at Bannockburn,
rampant Fraser taunted, Doomed!

The Flo'ers o' the Forest died,
because of Stewart's pledge,
and at the foot o' Branxton Edge,
Pikeman Fraser pined, We're doomed!

Armada sent from Spain was cursed
when storms rent sails right through
and Catholic ears heard, Aye, it's true!
Reverend Fraser prayed, They're doomed!

Old Ironsides made his reign last
a decade, pretty near,
then like the Laughing Cavalier,
loyal Fraser grinned, He's doomed!

When Orange Wullie came to sit
upon the Kingdom's throne,
the Stuart line was heard to groan.
Exiled Fraser wept, It's doomed!

When Bonnie Charlie landed here,
he thought the French would too,
but Auld Alliance wasn't true.
Clansman Fraser moaned, We're doomed!

Your country needs your sacrifice,
said Kitchener back then.
It's war across the Channel, men!
'listed Fraser groaned, We're doomed!

They sent the Stukas with their bombs
and cities suffered Blitz,
but nonetheless, we kept our wits.
Wingtip Fraser's quip; They're doomed!

And there in Walmington-on-sea
the Home Guard stood its guard,
while Mr. Hitler thought he heard
Private Fraser say, You're doomed!

The Captain said, Don't tell 'em Pike
your name or who you are
'tho we all know who was the star
who kidded Hitler, who was doomed.

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