Sunday, 12 October 2014

Awkward Ed

Here's one I did earlier. It was posted on Jottify, where it got a phenomenal amount of views, which probably had something to do with the fact that it was inspired by 'Awkward Ed Milliband Moments' on Tumblr. That is billed as 'A non-partisan celebration of photo opportunities that create an air of cringe or a sense of awkwardness, involving the Labour Party Leader and Doncaster North MP, Ed Miliband.' My poem is written in the Standard Habbie (a form used by Burns and well suited to satire).

Awkward Ed

O you, who would this country lead,
who went to school and learnt to read,
and read the books that sowed the seed,
you are instead,
in Labour Party's time of need,
an Awkward Ed.

O would that it had fallen to
a better man than you. Know who
they be? That's right, there 's very few
who might've led
the Labour Party sure and true;
not Awkward Ed.

You said it falls to us to build
One Nation and we all were filled
with hope, but look at what you've killed;
the spirit's dead.
I bet ol' Davie Cameron 's thrilled.
Oh Awkward Ed!

We can do much better than this.
The slogan tells us what's amiss,
while Tumblr user takes the piss
with pics of Ed
in awkward moments. Get the gist.
O Awkward Ed.

The man in charge is Milliband
and Tories' laughter means we're damned,
but when applause is something canned
in tins of red,
the party's future is becalmed.
Oh Awkward Ed!

Monday, 17 March 2014

Subcutaneous Scotland Blues

Inspired by a track from the Bob Dylan album, Bringing it all back home:

Here are the lyrics; scroll down for the video...

Salmond's at the casement
stirring up the rioting
she's on the pavement
thinking 'bout her government
the man in the tweed cap
coal mine, Bogside
said he worked in Clydeside
once upon a high tide
look out Jocks
here's somethin' you Scots
please take note
'cos you're gonna get the vote
you better seek through the Hebrides
lookin' for a new poet
the man in the philibeg
that's a kilt, ken
wants eleven dollars, Scotch
your Sterling 's worth ten.

Maggie sends Poll Tax
Hesseltine back tracks
Norman Tebbit last laughs
Spittin' Image, yeah but
the bed's taxed anyway
Geordie said it, many say
they must pay and will some day
never trust a Tory
look out Eck
you gotta sign the cheque
pay off your own dues
Irn Bru, short fuse
better stay away from queues
that argue 'bout a fool's ruse
make it big news
watch the Scots choose
you don't need a mirror man
to know which way to go – choose.

Vote aye, vote yes
get us out of this mess
redress, nothing less
if anything, it's for the best
Scone stone, Lia Fàil
Arbroath, Bo'ness
coal failed, eat kail, join the party, be unveiled
look out Bruce
the Comyn said truce
but Montrose, Dundee
six King Jamesies
thought about their loyalties
up by the Tollbooth
lookin' for a new truth
True Thomas Rhymer
read the Prophet's Paper.

O North Sea, keep free
crude oil, hard toil, Scottish soil
Caithness, Stromness
try a dram in Alness
exports, imports, wind blows
turbines, Hydro
fifteen years of Devo
and they give you referendum
look out Ed
you know it's not red
better look to your prospects
find yourself a mandate
don't wait too late
you can't afford to lose mate
don't wanna be so dumb
you better get some
the past don't count
'cause the Tories took the glories.